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The Inner Adult

Writer's picture: Sara SlamkovaSara Slamkova



To complete Eric Berne's PAC Model (Parent, Adult and Child), here is a brief introduction into what he called the Inner Adult. Inner Adult is part of us which makes sense of the world through the here and now without the judgment of the past or worry about the future. The Inner Adult (Adult) works out the "how to" navigate situations, get what we need, get what we want and survive situations.


The Inner Adult is the part of us that processes information objectively, analyzes situations logically, and responds to life based on facts rather than emotions or ingrained scripts. It’s like the internal manager who assesses reality, solves problems, and makes decisions that are pragmatic and balanced. Unlike the Parent ego state (which mimics authority figures) or the Child ego state (which reflects our emotional and instinctual self), the Inner Adult is data-driven and present-focused.



In childhood, as we grow, we begin to gather and process information on our own. When a child asks, “Why?” they are engaging their budding Inner Adult. This is the phase where we start to separate facts from feelings and begin to form our own understanding of the world.


For instance, consider a child learning to ride a bicycle. Initially, they might experience fear (Child ego state) or hear internalized voices like, “Don’t fall!” (Parent ego state). However, their Inner Adult emerges when they start analyzing the mechanics of pedaling, balancing, and steering. They focus on what works and adjust their actions accordingly. It’s through trial, error, and observation that the Inner Adult starts to strengthen.

Another example can be seen during problem-solving. Imagine a child attempting to build a LEGO structure. They may initially feel frustration (Child) or recall instructions like “Follow the guide” (Parent). But as they experiment and figure out which pieces fit where, their Inner Adult engages. They’re in the realm of logical thinking, free from emotional overdrive or pre-recorded rules.


When we were four years old, we already had our Adult, helping us to make sense of your environment and people in it.


Later on, when we start to work and engage with other people our Adult is and can be fully present.

For example, imagine you’re at work and receive critical feedback from a supervisor. Your Parent might say, “You’ve let everyone down,” while your Child might feel defensive or upset.

However, your Adult evaluates the feedback objectively, asking questions like:

  • “What is the specific feedback?”

  • “Is this feedback valid and actionable?”

  • “How can I improve based on this?”

By stepping into the Adult, you’re able to respond constructively rather than react emotionally or internalize negative self-talk.


While the Inner Adult is essential, it doesn’t work in isolation. A healthy individual integrates all three ego states:

  • Parent provides guidance and values.

  • Child offers creativity and emotional depth.

  • Adult ensures balance and rationality.


Eric Berne recognised there are part of us interacting differently at different times, around different people. He called these clusters of emotions, thoughts and observable behaviours and called them Ego States. We cannot touch them or smell them as they are not a thing. They are all living dynamic processes, each deserving our attention and curiosity.


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