Yes, according to Canadian Psychotherapist Eric Berne, we all have an internal representations of our parents, their parents and all of our ancestors we have not met. These representations could be helpful, unhelpful, warm, cold, critical or nurturing and all the things in between.
Do you remember that time you were feeling frustrated and you raised your voice on a peer or a partner and then realised you sound like you mum or dad? Yes, that is it. That is one of the examples of how our inner Parent can make him/her/themselves to be known.
Growing up we copy and integrate all that is modelled to us. If a child was surrounded by parental figures who would shout when frustrated or show aggression when feeling angry, the child will believe and understand that "this is a normal way to be" when I feel frustrated or angry. This is just one of many types of forming beliefs and behaviour.
All the messaging we received as children such as "Don't be a child", "Know your place", "Don't be silly", "Don't be loud", "Don't be mean", "Don't grow up", "Don't exist" and many more were not only heard by us but also taken into our own identity, body and behaviour. Our inner Parent keeps us safe, confident, loving as well as unsafe, fearful and rage-full.
Connecting and understanding who is who in your mind and under what circumstances do these characters come alive can change person's life. Understanding why am I feeling judgemental towards a certain person means I can not only recognise a pattern, but also allow the repressed feeling to exist, feel it and move on with a newly formed way of being.
The inner Parent holds a very important position within our own identity. Inner Parent informs us who were our ancestors and who am I in that context. Inner Parent holds certain values and many unconscious beliefs about the society, gender, sexuality, religion, race, physical abilities, relationship status and joy. The inner Parent who was formed by our culture will tell us what was "ok to be" in that particular culture. You are only ok if .... (you have children, work hard, stay loyal, are rich, have to be intelligent and so on). In therapy, person can start to get to know their inner Parent and either start making connections or accept there is no space for a relationship. Next time you are feeling tired or low notice who is talking and what are they telling you.
Comments