Keeping in mind every person is different, there are underlying similarities in all people's healing journey.
Similarities:
Acceptance of what is. This stage which keeps coming and going is in my opinion the bedrock of healing. Many of our unhelpful core beliefs are created as a result of filling the void that was experienced.
For example, if my mother shamed me while learning a new task there was a void. The void in this case was nurturing guidance and reassurance. To fill the void and to cope with the situation I will tell myself I am no good at anything and blame myself for being useless.
Acceptance of what was means to see the truth- I was shamed when I needed love. Allowing ourselves to feel the void of love. Cry, feel sad, angry or frustrated and allow yourself to acknowledge the truth of that situation. My mum's behaviour was hurtful towards me and that makes me feel .... That was not ok and I know that now. I will not allow nor accept this type of treatment from people in future and will let them know I do not appreciate to be spoken to in that way. Accepting what is and acknowledging my power. I am powerful and remember that I can speak up.
Complete honesty with self.
What I found helpful working with my clients was when they were able to be very honest with themselves while talking to me. We were then able to attend to traumas that needed to be nurtured the most. It takes time to develop a relationship with a therapist and in my opinion there is nothing better than a feeling I can tell my therapist my most shameful beliefs about myself and my therapist won't make feel "bad about myself". This is such an important part of therapy. Willingness to share our truth. Our honesty with self will open the gates into power and taking ownership.
Power.
This is the most powerful element in healing. Recognising that I, as a client, co-create my reality with others, myself and life. Recognising that certain cycles will repeat because I (the client) want to play my part. Yes, want to, play my part. This where the honesty really helps :).
Allowing yourself to accept and recognise that you want to "play the hard done by" or the "one who just can't get it right" or "nothing good ever happens to me" is huge and powerful step in healing. Getting to a place where client realises how much she/he/they LIKE to play certain games is a massive step forward. There is no shaming! It is progress and it comes with certain type of humour.

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